Update

Monday evening I was blessed by the kindness of John's friend and my cousin. They both gave us gas money to help with an impromptu trip to Georgia. As I wrote in this post, my great-grandfather is dying, his kidneys have begun to fail. So it was very urgent that I get to Georgia and see him. I thank God that I made it there in time and in one piece. It brings me to tears remembering him smiling at me and telling me he loved me and that he was so glad to see me. That is a gift that I'll never be able to repay to anyone.

I've spent the last two days  in and out of the hospital visiting him. I'm so thankful for people who are given the spirit to work in the medical field, after dealing with this situation, I'm not so sure I would want to work or volunteer in any capacity at a hospital. What I mean is, it takes a special heart and individual to do such work. My heart just continues to break, maybe my feelings will change on this, but for now the feelings are just too fresh.

Sorry if this post is a bit here and there...I'm working on very little sleep and am physically and emotionally spent.

So my great-grandfather was placed in hospice care yesterday, due to his condition and his wishes, he won't be around much longer. He is still in the hospital and hospice is doing all they can to make his final days as comfortable as possible. Please keep my family in your thoughts and prayers during this very difficult time. My prayer is that we will be able to remember all the good times we shared and not be plagued with the memories of him being in so much pain.

Thank you to everyone who has commented and been praying. I appreciate you all so much. I will likely be behind with reading your blogs and commenting...but please know that I love you guys and appreciate all of you so very much.

<3 Anna

Nightmares

Ever since my mom told me about the separation ( working on over a month now) I've been plagued with nightmares. Last night, was horrible...a triple feature. I don't remember details, but that I was running from yet another killer.

I'm to the point that I'm afraid to close my eyes, afraid to fall asleep. What if I won't wake up? What if it becomes real some how? I know that sounds crazy, maybe it's the sleep deprivation, who knows?!

All I know is that this happened to me before and I went through my regular sleep cycle patterns, (fitful sleeps and night after night of nightmares)until one day the nightmares stopped. I don't think I want to go through that again:/

*sigh*

Mom just called...Dad gave her divorce papers...she's filling them out now.

Torn

This post will in no way be formal. I've been battling a lot of emotions lately. I've thankfully calmed down since this all begun, which is a good thing. No need for embarrassing blog posts.

Anyway, it is looking very likely that my parents are getting a divorce. This is no shock, since they have been unhappy for years. The shock is, my dad looks like he will be the one doing the leaving. I always thought it would be my mom.

Over the long weekend, I talked with someone about my situation and they explained to me that I have to get to a point where I can let all my anger go. I need to be able to be neutral. I won't lie. I haven't been neutral. I completely took my mom's side without question. My dad's reasons for a divorce are stupid. So why not take my mother's side?

I don't know many people who react logically in situations, such as these. Anger can really take over. The good thing is that I've realized that I can't let my anger take over me. I'm choosing to forgive my dad not only for him, but for me. I'm praying for him and I realize that Satan has a strong foothold on my dad right now. He is using my dad to rip my family apart. So for now all I can do is pray. I know that God will be with all of us and that whatever happens. My Father can do anything.