Emotional Cheating

Hello again!

I've had something on my mind and I need to get it out. Ever since I watched Why Did I Get Married Too and read the email from Proverbs 31 Ministries, a topic has been storming in my head. Emotional Affairs. There are so many reasons a marriage ends, I'm not here to talk about when it's right or when it's wrong. I just feel very sad when I hear about a once beautiful couple, ending their marriage...for any reason....but especially when a sacred trust is broken.

WARNING: CONTAINS SPOILERS!

In Why Did I Get Married Too, we find that Dianne has been having an emotional affair with a co-worker. We are only told that it was emotional, John said that he believes she could have been having a physical affair as well because her husband, Terry, had to pull teeth to get that information from her. Throughout the movie, you see Terry watching his wife and his growing suspicions. One night before bed, he decides to confront her about this. This is after watching her lie provocative lingerie and clothing out for the next day. He knows then for sure that something isn't right. He has noticed a glow about her and a happiness for a few weeks now. She had received flowers earlier in the week at work. There was a card stake in the side, but the from card was removed. She made a lame excuse about how the florist made a mistake, putting that in there. Keep this scenario in mind.

Now here's the scenario from Soul Mates a devotion written by Rachel Olson. In Rachel's story a single woman is contacted by an ex-boyfriend. The ex is married, but they start communicating via phone, computer, etc. They undoubtedly grow close and the ex reveals to the woman that he has feelings for her. The single woman is torn because she knows what she is doing is wrong, but she has also developed feelings for him. In this scenario, the woman stopped seeing the man. Rachel also shares another scenario that doesn't end so well. "Years ago I witnessed a woman begin an emotional affair with a man she “had more in common with” than her husband. Never mind the fact that she had her school-aged children in common with her husband. She was eventually confronted by members of her church, but did not end the relationship. She is divorced today." (From Soul Mates by Rachel Olson)

All of these scenarios are different, but I believe they have a few things in common.

Each one of these women (or in the first case a man) started communicating very personal and intimate details of their lives with someone of the opposite sex, that was not their spouse. This is not to say that you should not have friends of the opposite sex, it is to say that you should be very careful how close you become to them. If you and your spouse is having a marital problems---you should seek a person of the same sex or a counselor. (This is talked about in the devotion and I agree.) When you allow someone to see the intimate most parts of you---not just physically speaking....you are going down a dangerous road, that could lead to physical cheating.

Secondly, and this relates some what to the first. From my understanding of these scenarios, these couples were already having issues. Communication is so important. I feel that it is one of the most important components of a marriage. Your spouse should be the first person you go to (besides God) when struggling in an area, wanting to talk about a life changing issue, etc. When you begin to feel that you can't share these things anymore. You know then that things have changed, and that if you don't work to get that back, you probably won't.

Which brings me to my final point. In my first example, after a horrible accident, involving a close friend. Terry and Dianne decide to work on their marriage. (I'm pretty sure if this didn't happen the two would have likely split up.) After Dianne reveals the truth, Terry is unable to look at Dianne and pushes her away when she tries to hug him. Sometimes when a spouse cheats, the other person involved is able to forgive and the couple decides to stay together. Other times the betrayed party, decides that this infraction is too much. Whatever the case, the same fact remains true, marriage is work. If you go into your marriage with rose-colored glasses and thinking that it will be a cake walk, you will soon get knocked flat on your behind. The good thing is, that if you and your partner are on the same page, they will be there to help you back up.

The devotion goes on to talk about if you are involved in an affair to end it. Remove yourself from anything and everything that feeds that addiction. It goes on to give this sound advice, to those not currently struggling with this issue: "If you are not entangled in this presently, guard yourself from falling into the trap. Be alert to slippery slopes. Don’t go trolling the internet to check on past loves. Beware confiding anything too personal, especially your marriage woes, to members of the opposite sex — find a female friend or counselor to talk to instead. Have an accountability partner periodically ask you how you’re doing in this area. And if you are married, invest in your marriage."

Here is some additional info from the devotion, if interested:

http://www.proverbs31.org/doyouknowJesus/doYouKnowJesus.php

http://shopp31.com/confessionsofanadulterouswomanliesthatgotmetheretruthsthatbroughtmeback.aspx

http://shopp31.com/itsnotsecretrevealingdivinetruthseverywomanshouldknow.aspx

Here's a link to the actual devotion: http://devotions.proverbs31.org/2011/06/soul-mates-2.html. It includes application steps, reflections, power verses, and comments from readers.

I hope this information will be useful to my readers and I hope it makes you think, like it did me. I want my marriage to remain strong and pure. I want to continue to invest in my marriage.

What's on your heart today?

<3 Anna