Monday, December 13, 2010

The Blues

I feel like I've been going through the motions for awhile. I see so many people close to me in pain. I wish there was something more I could do. It's hard to feel helpful when you are walking through a dream. I'm so tired of being angry with people. I know it's a process, but I'm starting to feel like all the people who are trying to rush me on through, were right...get over it! I feel like there are a lot more tears to come, but I don't want to shed them. This is no surprise, since I've never really been good at that anyway.

I guess I say all of this to say, that I'm ready to live again...for better or worse. I don't like this numbing thing I've been trying to make work. It doesn't. I'd rather feel a million times the pain around me, than try and pretend I don't care. People can think what they want: I'm soft, too sensitive, cry-baby, whatever. I can only be who I am. If you don't like me, then maybe you need to make a new friend. I've got to deal with what's going on around me or else I'm terrified of what I could become.


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