It feels like a good day to blog:
Yet another rainy day....and I'm sick of them. It pretty much sums up my life right now though. The feelings of being trapped in a place I don't want to be...the need to get out and go on an adventure. This must be what Sophie feels like right now. She hasn't had a walk in a few days now.
I'm often left with this feeling of wonder....where will I be in a few years? What will I make of my life? Will I just sit and wish for the dreams I have?.... or will I do something about them. I would like to think that I would be the type to chase my dreams and go above and beyond them.
Yet there's this nagging fear of being trapped in one place forever...never making it happen. Also what if that' s all I'm meant to have what if I'm suppose to remain here and live my life and keep up this pace...honestly, that scares me. I'm not sure I would be content with that. I'm told in the Bible and encouraged by friends that God knows the desires of my heart, the part that scares me is the prayers we often pray that say "God change my heart make me want what you want." This scares me because what if my deepest yearnings don't match God's. What if all of the hopes and dreams I have are just selfish and need to be swept away?! I know that should leave me as a deeper person...but I'm still afraid.
I've always been like that, afraid of the unknown. I'm not good with change and yet I get excited and ready to jump in at the same time...if that makes any sense at all:/ So anyway, that's just something that's been on my heart lately.
God is the potter, we are the clay. What would the point be, then if God were to paint the pottery purple if he really wanted it to be yellow?
ReplyDeleteWhile I certainly believe in God's will and God's ways and doing what we can in order to follow them, in some ways, I don't see the point of praying that God make our dreams the same as His. If we are truly His children, then we've already changed in that area, haven't we? We can stray from Him, yes. But ultimately, the day He first created each individual, He went ahead and gave us the correct disposition and dreams to seek out His goals for our lives. Our job is simply to choose the right paths to reach those goals.
But maybe I'm reading this all wrong. I hope I helped some. Thank you for making me think about it.
You're right...I guess I've just been thinking about this from a different angle. I know that God created me and knows me...but I have wondered about that prayer and if that's what I should be asking for...I guess I just question things a lot. I've begun to think of things in different angles, like I said, not just from what I've been told...not sure if that's where I should be right now, but it's where I am now.
ReplyDeletesometimes, the best thing to ask is for God to make you more fully who you are. even in the midst of all that you dream now, you should know that it is only the tip of the iceberg. if God were to sweep away every dream you had now, it would only be to give you a bigger one. i don't think He would though; some of those desires come from him you know :P
ReplyDeleteThanks everyone for the comments...including by message...maybe this is a strange fear but sometimes I worry that none of my desires are Godly that everything that I desire is only to benefit me and no one else...I don't like feeling that way...but it's one that comes and goes.
ReplyDeleteYou're one of the least selfish people I know, and it seems like a lot of your hopes and dreams are connected to helping others. I think God has some wonderful things in store for you, Anna.
ReplyDeleteAwww..thanks Whit that means a lot:)
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