Nightmares

Ever since my mom told me about the separation ( working on over a month now) I've been plagued with nightmares. Last night, was horrible...a triple feature. I don't remember details, but that I was running from yet another killer.

I'm to the point that I'm afraid to close my eyes, afraid to fall asleep. What if I won't wake up? What if it becomes real some how? I know that sounds crazy, maybe it's the sleep deprivation, who knows?!

All I know is that this happened to me before and I went through my regular sleep cycle patterns, (fitful sleeps and night after night of nightmares)until one day the nightmares stopped. I don't think I want to go through that again:/

*sigh*

Mom just called...Dad gave her divorce papers...she's filling them out now.

Sick

So my dad being the classy person that he is...walks out on my mom on Thanksgiving. Words cannot describe the anger I felt when I heard that. I also just saw a rather frustrating post, from a so-called friend. The insensitivity of people makes me sick. I seriously feel like I'm going to be sick right now. I wish I couldn't feel a thing. It would be nice to be numb for awhile. I feel like I'm in some sort of nightmare, that I can't wake up from. I'm hurting so much and everyone wants me to just be happy...let it go...I don't think I'm ready...my emotions are so overwhelming and I don't think I want to control them. I think I some how get a sick thrill from feeding my "monster." I know this isn't right, but maybe this is where I'm going..maybe I want to be sick for awhile.